college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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