i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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