I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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