it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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