Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Drunk is a universal language darling
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