Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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