Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize