he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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