If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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