Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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