I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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