she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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