All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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