just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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