Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize