I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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