my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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