My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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