I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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