you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize