you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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