I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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