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Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
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