Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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