I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize