hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
