I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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