whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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