there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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