I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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