sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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