Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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