if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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