You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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