i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize