An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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