around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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