So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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