Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize