woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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