hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
two words: eviction party
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trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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