Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize