Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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