My sheets look like a crime scene.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you. Go after that dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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