I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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