I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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