The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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