Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize