Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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