I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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